In my last article, I addressed how even parents with the best intentions can go overboard when it comes to their children and sports. Parents may push their children into sports they don't actually enjoy because the parents played those sports—or into continuing to compete in sports even if their children aren't as talented as their parents believe they are (and the children usually know how they compare with teammates). Some parents may even go overboard in promoting their children to club or school coaches or even behave badly.
Unfortunately, such efforts may actually backfire. Instead of helping their children, these parents actually are doing their children a huge disservice with prospective collegiate coaches, potentially undermining their future recruiting efforts and athletic opportunities at the collegiate level.
Participating in intercollegiate sports requires tremendous dedication, extraordinary effort, superior time-management skills, and an unmitigated love of sport. It's not for everyone. If kids say "no" to a sport and express they want a college experience not dominated by the very real demands of intercollegiate athletics, parents should stop pushing and let it go.
Of course, if athletes truly have ability, are passionate enough about their sports, and want to compete at the collegiate level, parents should do all they can, within reason, to support their children and help them achieve their goals. One way to determine if a prospective student-athlete really wants to compete in a collegiate sport is to watch whether they take the initiative or ask for parents' help to achieve the next level.
When it's time to explore collegiate athletic opportunities, parents must let their aspiring student-athletes take the initiative when communicating with prospective college coaches, providing advice, guidance, and support when appropriate—and not take over the process. As tempting as it may be to make phone calls and send e-mails or other recruiting materials to prospective college coaches, it's student-athletes—not their parents—who should be the primary communicators. After all, the student-athletes will be the ones interacting with coaches throughout their collegiate careers, so the sooner they establish and develop a rapport with prospective coaches, the better the experience will be for all concerned. If the process results in a successful recruiting effort, there will be plenty of opportunities for parents to support their student-athletes and their collegiate athletic programs.
During the athletic recruiting process, many college coaches do comprehensive "due diligence" about prospective recruits. In addition to evaluating their athletic and academic credentials, many coaches get acquainted with the families of prospective recruits, both to get to know the student-athletes better
and determine if the family will cooperate with and support the collegiate program. If parental behavior is more or less fodder for an episode of HBO's
State of Play: Trophy Kids, alarm bells could go off in coaches' minds. Imagine there are two players of comparable ability on a high school or club team, and their coach is asked to provide references. If one athlete has obsessive and disruptive parents, their coach may be inclined to give a more enthusiastic reference for the athlete with supportive and cooperative parents—and then interested college coaches may move forward with that athlete instead of the one with problematic parents. In the end, parents who obsessively and at all costs promote their children may unwittingly undermine and their kids' athletic recruiting prospects.
The Positive Coaching Alliance
http://www.usawaterpolo.org/resources/pca.html(PCA) is an outstanding resource offering excellent guidelines and suggestions for parents as they help their aspiring athletes pursue their athletic goals, whether at a recreational, developmental, collegiate, or professional level. Combining positive parenting skills espoused by the PCA and common sense will enable parents to truly do what's best for their children in a manner that may enhance their collegiate athletic recruiting prospects. And if children signal that they don't want to compete at the collegiate level, positive parenting dictates that moms and dads accept their children's choices and support their children's decisions to pursue other things.
Questions? Write to Angela Kraus at angela@shootingforcollege.info. Angela Kraus is an experienced, certified college counselor providing comprehensive services to help students prepare for and ensure eligibility for graduation from high school and admission to colleges. A special focus of her practice is advising high school athletes as they pursue the recruiting process, with emphasis on water polo players.
